DWTS 2009: Save the Last Dance For Me

In the last week of competition, the 10s rained down like gumdrops in a candy factory, judges paddles lit up like arcade games, and everyone gushed about the humanity-- THE HUMANITY-- of dancing reality television.

That bit of sarcasm aside, they did manage to make two hours of programming reasonably entertaining, with a dance from each eliminated contestant, final performances from the contenders, and a "roast" by Jeffrey Ross. There was tough talk from each of the competitors, and then the announcements. The final judge scores were:

Gilles: 30 + 28 + 30 = 88
Shawn: 28 + 30 + 30 = 88
Melissa: 29 + 27 + 30 = 86

This meant that Vegas picked up some big BS points, while nearly everyone (not you, Dawn!) got 5 points for choosing either Gilles or Shawn for TS.

Then came the moment of reckoning. Third place... Melissa! Second place... Gilles! Holy cow, it's a shocking first place victory for Shawn Johnson! The adorable teenaged olympian gymnast pulls it out!

Tom tells us that it came down to only a 1 percent difference between the Gilles and Shawn. Since they were tied in judge scores, that means that there was just a slight difference in audience votes.


The Pool:

Here were the scores coming into the finale:

1st: Matt 1027
2nd: Vegas 834
3rd: Paul 828
4th: Kim 781
5th: Carl 773
6th: Lisa 728
7th: Dawn 716

Here are the score changes from the finale:

Rank: Name (+/- Melissa, +/- Gilles, +/- Shawn, +/- TS/BS)

Matt (+50, -30, -10, +5)
Vegas (-10, -10, +50, +35) +75 bonus points
Paul (-20, +50, -50, +5)
Kim (-20, -20, -50, +5)
Carl (-10, -30, -10, +5)
Lisa (-20, -50, -20, +5)
Dawn (-10, -10, +50, +0) +75 bonus points








And here are the official results:








Seventh Place: THE WORST OF ALL
Lisa

Finale Score Total: -85
Final Score: 643
Last Season's Title: Jester of Gesture (7th), with 623 points
Coming off a second-to-worst finish last season, Lisa had only one more shameful title to attain. This season, she hit bottom by coming in dead last. Her worst move was probably putting Gilles out in seventh place, while everyone else had him in 5th or better. Better luck next season, Lisa!






Sixth Place: THE JESTER OF GESTURE
Kim

Finale Score Total: --85
Final Score: 696
Last Season's Title: Harlot of Hardwood (6th), with 644 points
Another Hongoltz girl gone wrong. Kim's worst moves were having Shawn out in sixth place, and Ty out in twelfth. Those two moves cost her a bundle, and now her only source of solace is that she scored slightly above her sister. Small comfort, Kim.







Fifth Place: THE HARLOT OF HARDWOOD
Carl

Finale Score Total: -45
Final Score: 728
Last Season's Title: Buck of the Ball (2nd), with 851 points
Carl did well last season, but this time around he didn't even make the top half of the pool. It's surprising that he scored as well as he did, considering that his first place pick was Belinda, who was actually the first eliminated from the competition. That, combined with a pick of Lil Kim out in tenth, should have damned him to the bottom of the pool, but his savvy TS/BS scores kept him in the middle of the pack.






Fourth Place: THE BEST OF THE REST
Paul

Finale Score Total: -15
Final Score: 813
Last Season's Title: The Worst of All (8th), with 525 points
Coming off of a cellar-sucking last place, Paul has made a big move up to respectability, especially when you consider that he won both of the other two pools this season. His centerpiece finish here is nothing to be too proud of, but he did have some picks to be proud of, with Ty, Melissa, and Gilles all in his top four.






Third Place: THE BARONESS OF BALLROOM
Dawn

Finale Score Total: +105
Final Score: 821
Last Season's Title: The Lady of the Dance (1st) with 877 points
Dawn won it all last season, and this time she turns in a very respectable third. She was the only person (other than the person "Vegas") who correctly predicted ANY of the three finale placements, and picked up 75 points for pegging Gilles as the second place finisher. Good job, Dawn!






Second Place: THE COCK OF THE WALK
Vegas

Finale Score Total: +140
Final Score: 974
Last Season's Title: NA
No doubt about it, Vegas oddsmakers are tough to beat. They beat everyone last season (and so were not placed into the rankings at all), and this time around, they nab second place. They were somewhere in the middle of the pack until the finale, when they picked up huge points for having picked Shawn to win it all, way back when the season began in January.






First Place: THE LORD OF THE DANCE
Matt

Finale Score Total: +15
Final Score: 1042
Last Season's Title: Cock of the Walk (3rd), with 795 points
I was pretty much untouchable this season, if I do say so myself. I was the only player to have my bottom seven all go out in the bottom seven slots, which of course means that my top six players all came in the top six slots. I looked good going into the last couple of weeks, and when I got Ty and Melissa spot on for 4th and 3rd place eliminations, it put me over the top. Yay, me.

Better luck next time, everyone.

Thanks for playing!