Amazing Race: Week 9

The Episode

We're down to four teams, and it seems that three of them have earned a place in the finals. Let's see if Andrew and Dan disabuse us of that notion this week, shall we?.



The Beginning: Teams left Kazakhstan on the same flight, headed to Moscow, Russia. You would think that self-proclaimed he-men Andrew and Dan would be excited to be going to a place of such rugged, masculine character. But they were too worried about leaving the hotel in their baby-blue fuzzy slippers to think about it.

It seems that after hitting the Pit Stop, they weren't allowed to retrace their steps and retrieve their sneakers, which they left behind at the costume shop after misreading the clue. The solution was actually both simple and difficult. Simple, because they were able to pick up some sneakers in the Kazakhstan airport, and difficult because it set them back about $160, which ate into their $450 budget.

After arriving in Moscow, all the teams were essentially tied as they left the airport.

The Detour: This was the highlight of the episode, mostly because it allowed us to laugh at Dan unreservedly, and also because we got to watch other people laughing at Dan unreservedly. Both detour tasks involved changing into a Russian military uniform, complete with a difficult-to-master foot wrap that presumably keeps you warm and blister free when you're battling Germans in the harsh Siberian terrain.

In the first option, team members had to march along with a group of soldiers from point A to point B. It was simple, with the only catch being that you had to pull off a specific type of march.

In the second option, you had to serve Borscht (beet soup) to 75 hungry soldiers.

Right off the bat, there were cab troubles for two of the four teams. This caused a front pairing of Ken and Tina versus Dallas and Toni, while Nick and Starr fought with Andrew and Dan to avoid elimination.

The two front-running teams chose the marching option, and passed with flying colors. Andrew and Dan arrived while they were still marching, and so they were only a little bit behind at this point.

They also chose marching, but Andrew had a real problem getting the foot wrap done correctly, even though there was a soldier there whose sole purpose seemed to be demonstrating the foot wrap for the teams. I bet he was a slow study with the whole shoe tying thing as well.

They were having such a hard time that they decided to switch to the beet soup serving, laboring under the mistaken impression that they didn't have to be in uniform for that task. When they realized their error, they were forced to go back and tackle the uniforms again, which they eventually got right. By this point, Nick and Starr had arrived and were getting into uniform as well.

Nick and Starr marched the march without any problems, and then it was up to Andrew and Dan to get through. Andrew was stoked to march, fueled by six years of marching band, and he did passably well. But Dan failed to get the march down so spectacularly that the onlooking soldiers couldn't contain broad grins. He wasn't in rhythm, which would be a small problem, but he was also flailing his arms and legs all over the place in really weird, exaggerated ways. It was very, very comical, and eventually, at least one soldier broke down into hysterical laughter.

I wish I had a picture of it to post here, but the photo album seems to come from an individual who is traveling with Ken and Tina, who were gone by the time Dan put on his performance.


Dan interviewed that he was more of a sports guy than an arts and music person, which was why he had such a hard time. Yeah, I suppose that he was just so manly that he couldn't get the march down, while all of the big, tough-looking soldiers were just effeminate enough to pull it off. Who are you fooling, Dan? Not us!

Incidentally, Andrew was nothing but nice to Dan throughout all of this, despite the fact that Dan continues to treat him like a big, puffy pimple instead of a human being.

After failing to march at least three times, Dan and Andrew decided to go back to the soup. So, they switched Detour tasks three times before settling in. That might be a record. They were happy to get the soup-serving down without any other major hitches, and even joked with the soldiers a little by calling out the names of Russian athlete-models without any context whatsoever. "Anna Kournikova...Maria Sharapova." I guess it's the universal language of love. Sweet, stunted, adolescent, image-obsessive, porn-fueled love.

Dan and Andrew left the Detour in last place.


The Roadblock: This would have been a great Roadblock if teams had been in closer competition with each other. I think that, with two relatively easy Detour tasks all that stood between the airport and the Roadblock, the producers envisioned that all four teams might be sweating it out here at the same time. They couldn't plan for bad cab drivers and Dan's special needs, however, and so it was relatively anti-climactic.

The Roadblock asked the participating team member to transfer fifty 55 pound sacks of flour from a truck into a storefront. Dallas arrived first, and threw himself into the task, lugging two bags at a time. Ken arrived when Dallas had completed about 10 bags, and it turned into a battle between the two of them. I was a little surprised pro footballer Ken didn't dramatically outpace Dallas, but I guess Ken is a little older.

Toni and Dallas left in first place, followed by Ken and Tina. Then Nick and Starr arrived. Nick is much smaller than Dallas or Ken, and he was quickly forced to move only one bag at a time. Nevertheless, they finished moving all the bags before Andrew and Dan arrived, which means that Andrew and Dan lost a ton of time at the Detour.

Dan apparently powered through the task when he finally arrived, and Andrew gave him a lot of ego-stroking about how manly and powerful it all was.


The Pit Stop: There wasn't too much drama at the Pit Stop. They played up the fact that Nick and Starr had some further cab problems, but it didn't affect them enough to lose out to Andrew and Dan. After all their other problems, they also wound up stiffing their cab driver by about a hundred dollars. They didn't even apologize, but just sat there waiting for him to accept the fact that he wasn't going to be paid for his work. I'm pretty sure the rule is that they have to satisfy the cab driver somehow-- they can't leave him unless he has agreed to take the payment they've been given. Dan literally sat on the curb with his hand held up with some small amount of American money in it, which the cab driver eventually took in disgust.

The finishing order:

1st: Toni and Dallas (+1 = biggest improvement)
2nd: Ken and Tina (+1 = biggest improvement)
3rd: Nick and Starr (-2 = biggest slide)
4th: Andrew and Dan (no change)


The Elimination: Andrew and Dan came in last, but they were saved by what appears to be the last non-elimination leg in the race. This saves them for now, but I'm not sure that they have ever beaten any of the other teams in any leg (maybe once), and so they appear to be on the fast track towards elimination.


The Pool

Mike all but put this game away. His latest trick was predicting the Andrew/Dan elimination spot on, which gives him a 50 point bonus (Dawn pulled off the same thing, and climbed into a competitive third place). What's worse for the rest of us is that he's likely to feast twice on this, if Andrew and Dan are eliminated next week for good.

Mom was the only one who correctly predicted that Toni and Dallas would be the Fastest Team this week, so she gained a whopping 40 point FT bonus.

Jen and Paul did the worst this week, having each predicted that Andrew and Dan would be going out early in the season. This cost them each 60 points. Jen slipped a spot in the rankings, but Paul didn't. There's no slipping when you're in last place.

Death to Mike!

1st: Mike 1082 (+50 +0)
2nd: Carl 946 (-20 +0)
4th: Dawn 925 (+50 +0)
3rd: Jen 860 (-60 +0)
6th: Mom 856 (-10 +40)
5th: Matt 801 (-30 +0)
7th: Kim 730 (-40 +0)
8th: Paul 676 (-60 +0)

Don't forget to send me your FT picks, and good luck everyone!