DWTS: The Last Dance

The Dancing With the Stars finale had all of the frenzied filler you would expect for a bloated ninety minute program, the sole purpose of which was to announce the finishing order of the three finalists.

It featured encore performances by all of the eliminated dancers, which ranged from painfully awkward (stick to the tennis, Monica) to extremely impressive (you should have been in the finale, Mario).

They announced the third place finisher early in the show, and it turned out to be the one-armed Cristian, whose rapid-fire pleas for votes in Spanish failed to save him. Cristian had an interesting trajectory over the course of the season. He started off barely better than the worst performers, and looked like an early-to-mid season ouster for a while, even landing in the bottom two at one point. But somewhere in there, Cristian's improvement began to outstrip that of the competition. His winning personality began to win him votes, and then the drama of the arm injury put him in the spotlight at just the right time. So, the Chilean actor may not be the best finalist to ever grace the show, but at least he was fun to watch.

After lots of pre-packaged clips (including a funny montage of the "bromance" that formed between Cristian and Jason), they finally got down to brass tacks. Jason and Kristi performed one last judged dance, each of which predictably earned a perfect 30. Then they announced the winner-- Kristi Yamaguchi, whose likable-but-bland personality was just enough to allow her superior dancing skills to take the crown.

Jason, the most nimble 6-6 contestant ever, finished in an honorable second place.

So, that's a wrap for the season. We've had much more entertaining and galvanizing finalists in the past, but at least the best dancer won.

So where does that leave us?


Seventh Place: THE WORST OF ALL
Mom

Finale Score Total: -110
Final Score: 738
Best Move: Picking Penn out first
Worst move: Final set of picks
Oh, Mom. She took an early lead in the standings, and was a front runner for most of the season. But somewhere along the way, she decided that she just couldn't get behind Kristi, and lost a little more ground each week as the bonus points were awarded. She was competitive to the very end, but her daring final set of picks came up dry and effectively cost her 150 points against the competition, which completed her slide into the cellar. Better luck next time Mom!

Sixth Place: THE JESTER OF GESTURE
Paul

Finale Score Total: +20
Final Score: 760
Best Move: Nailing the final 3
Worst move: Picking Jason out in 10th place
Paul managed to pull himself out of the gutter at the very last minute, but his sometimes comical picks still earned him the unenviable title of Jester. For a guy whose final four included Steve and Shannon (with Marissa winning it all), he's lucky not to have finished last.

Fifth Place: THE BEST OF THE REST
Carl

Finale Score Total: +10
Final Score: 869
Best Move: Nailing the final 3
Worst move: Picking Jason out in 11th place
Carl kept betting against Kristi for the best score bonus, which cost him about 80 points over the course of the pool. He had a few picks that were pretty close to the money, but his overall inaccuracy prevented him from climbing into the upper half of the pool.



Fourth Place: THE BARONESS OF BALLROOM
Lisa

Finale Score Total: +10
Final Score: 1012
Best Move: The only player to put Jason in the top 3
Worst move: The only player to put Cristian in the bottom 3
Lisa had a stranglehold on the pool for much of the season, battling with Mom, Dawn, and I for first place. She eventually piled up a lead for herself on the strength of a pool-best four precisely accurate predictions. Rather than tread water in second place, Lisa decided to go for the gold in the finale, and banked everything on Jason coming in third place. If he had, she would have probably won the pool, but he didn't, so she's left in the middle of the pack.


Third Place: THE COCK OF THE WALK
Kim

Finale Score Total: +80
Final Score: 1030
Best Move: Predicting Marlee and Marissa out in 7th and 4th
Worst move: Picking Steve to last until 5th
Kim had a mediocre set of picks for most of the season, but she hung tough, consistently picking Kristi to get the best score from the judges and thereby earning a trickle of bonus points. A few weeks ago, she was lagging near the bottom of the pool, but her Kristi/Cristian final two was starting to look better and better. She made out well in the finale, which helped her to snag third, but if she had swapped her top 2 (and picked Kristi to win it), she would have done even better.


Second Place: THE BELLE OF THE BALL
Dawn

Finale Score Total: +150
Final Score: 1082
Best Move: Picking Penn out first, and Kristi to win
Worst move: Picking Mario out in 10th place
Dawn had the best finale of anyone in the pool, powered by a perfect +150 bonus on the extra set of picks, and by correctly predicting Kristi's win. Her picks were just average, but she was on the Kristi train early, and always seemed to be at or near the top of the pool. As Belle of the Ball, she has only one rung left to climb. Not bad for someone who never watched the show.


First Place: THE LORD OF THE DANCE
Yours Truly

Finale Score Total: +110
Final Score: 1138
Best Move: Got Marlee, Shannon, and Kristi eliminations on the button
Worst move: Picking Jason out in 11th place
I didn't get the most bonus points for exact predictions (that was Lisa). I didn't have the most players in my final 3 pan out (that was Lisa, Kim, and Mom). But I was competitive in those categories, and I also picked up the more best score prediction points than anyone else in the pool. Lucky for me, I managed to eke out the win. And why shouldn't I? As Stuart Smalley tells me, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

Better luck next time, everyone.



Thank you all for being a part of my little pool. Any suggestions on how to make it more interesting or fun are appreciated.

I was planning on starting up with a new show during the summer, but the reality television schedule is looking a little bleak at the moment. So You Think You Can Dance, The Bachelorette, and Last Comic Standing aren't exactly barn-burners, so I think I'll give it a rest until Amazing Race or something decent comes back.